I mean I always knew I had "lots to love", but when I went to the doctor today for my yearly check I almost fainted when I saw the scale! Now if you think I'm gonna put the actual number on this thing, keep dreaming. But I can confirm, without a shadow of a doubt, this is the heaviest I've ever been in my life. So as you can duly imagine, I am not pleased. No, not even a tiny bit.

So I got in the room and did the usual stuff, vital signs, anything new medically, small talk blah blah blah and then it was time for Joey to strip down to nothing but an ugly green opening in the front and the back gown and socks. My doctor came in and we talked about my medical stuff, went over what medications I am taking (none for now) and all of the routine medical chit chatty stuff. Then it was time for me to slide my big butt down to the end of the table, put my legs in those horrible torture chamber stirrups and bottoms up! My doctor is so funny because she just talks away while she's doing my exam. It's a great distraction though really. This time we talked about what we are getting our kids for Christmas and also all of the "bad and offensive toys" out on the market. The exam always goes so fast. She's very good at what she does. After having her do it for so many years, I'd never let anybody else do it.

I had her look at some other stuff I had questions about. Nothing to be worried about but mentioned maybe this spring go and see a dermatologist just to be sure.

Then she did all the other palpating and such and discovered my thyroid is enlarged. I'm not sure what that meant. So after the exam I got dressed, went and peed in a cup (if any woman out there knows the trick of how to do it without peeing everywhere please do fill me in) and then went to the lab for some blood work. She drew some blood tests for my thyroid so we'll see how those turn out. She didn't seem too concerned but who the hell knows. I'll have the blood test results by Friday I would imagine.

Damn, even my thyroid gland is fat.

Gotta run and get my haircut !!!

*rolls out the door*

Edit: My jewish rabbi eyebrows are GONE! They look absolutely fabu. And the BUSH I've been running around with on my head is now under control too. Now if only she could slather that hot wax all over my abs, gut, ass, thighs and hips and rip all that off, we'd be in business!!!