So I see I wasn't the only who dug the Horatio Sanz SNL skit last night, as 4 people googled that and got links to my diary from it. Cool huh? Also a million and 3 found my diary on google when they put in Jim Rome and Jason Stewart. Who knew! Lots of clones out there googlin till the sun goes down. When I get lots of google hits I'll make a google link on this here diary to show you all the weirdo ways people find me. Nothing too disturbing on this diary yet, but my last diary was an entirely different creature.

So let me tell you about 2 extremely retarded and dumbass things I did today (cuz those stories are the funniest right?) and one heart warming thing I did today.

I got up and went to church. I got there and sat on my little folding chair. Usually at the beginning of the service when the pastor says, we turn around and whatnot and shake the hands of those around us and tell them "good morning". Why, I don't know, it's just a thing we do. Well apparently after the pastor gave all the announcements I wasn't paying attention and I thought that time had come. So I turn around and there's a couple behind me and I stick out my hand and shake them and tell them good morning and they say it back. Then I look around for more hands to grab and nobody is saying good morning!!! It takes all of 5 seconds to process that I was apparently doing it at the wrong time. I felt so stupid you have no idea. So I turned around, sat down and turned 21032342 shades of red. I bet that couple thought I was smoking crack or something. Which would be ironic since I was in church and all. So when the REAL time came I did my thing but I did not turn around and look at them. I'm such a retard sometimes. Okay...most of the time. But I was trying to go easy on myself.

And just a little bit ago I went back out to my living room because I left my cell phone out there and I had already turned off all the lights. I walked out there thinking I could just feel my way around till I got to the light switch. WRONG!!! I forgot I had my vacuum cleaner out and I walked directly into it. I smacked my jaw right into the handle. I believe a few nonchurchly words came out of my mouth at a loud whisper. My jaw will pobably lock up tonight now when I sleep and I'll never be able to eat again. Poor me!

The other thing was I wanted to go eat breakfast after church but didn't want to go alone. We all know I was feeling down anyway. But during church I pondered it and had planned to go to this skeezy breakfast place on the other side of town, get myself a newspaper and sit and read it. Like reading the newpaper and actually doing something won't make me look all pathetic. As a last ditch effort I called my sister to see what she was up to. She was working so I asked to take the kids to breakfast. Going anywhere just you and kids is okay. So I took Keithen and Emily (Austin was acting pretty sassy when I got there) and we went to Perkins. Then I got the idea to go get my sister some birthday presents but say they were from the kids. Her 30th birthday is on Thursday. She would be damn lucky to even get a gift from her boyfriend, much less get anything from the kids via the boyfriend. So I did it. We went to the mall and got some cute Hello Kitty stuff (cell phone holder, picture holder and tupperware sandwich container thingie) and then headed off to the card store to get her a card and bag to put the gifts in. I had the kids pick out a "Happy Birthday Mommy" card that they could all sign. It was so adorable watching them pick out all the different cards and Keithen would read the inside of each card to his sister. She would open up the card and act like she was reading it, but oddly every card on the inside said "Happy Birthday Mommy" when she read it out loud. Isn't that just the cutest? Anyway we got up to the counter and then I decided to get her a balloon bouquet also, it consisted of 3 mylar balloons. They both got to pick out one balloon and I picked out one which said "30" on it. I took the stuff back to her house, had the kids sign the card and wrapped it all up nice in the gift bag. She loved it. And I loved doing it.

So we've determined one thing this evening. I am a total klutz, I don't follow directions very well but I have a big heart.

Okay combination in my book. Good night!