There are now dead animals residing in my building. I'm not really too bothered by it. It's not like they can escape and come and torture me in my sleep or anything like that.

Some new guys moved in upstairs (but a few apartments over). I'm thinking they are avid hunters. Either that or they just dig the "dead carcass" decor and style of living. So let's assume they are hunters. I couldn't believe all of the things I saw them take upstairs. I thought I had seen it all when I saw one of them walk up there with a dead dear head. That in no way prepared me for what I was supposed to see next. The next dude pulls out a full and I mean full and complete body of a stuffed turkey. He grabbed it by its stiff neck and carried it up the stairs. I was a little frightened by it but an emergency call to my therapist flamed out the fire pretty quickly. HA! HA!

Oh and cuz I know ya'll are wondering, yes they are cute boys. But notice the operative word there. Boys. They are young, like early 20s. Like fresh outta college and two guys who in a drunken stupor one night at the frat house said "hey roomie, I have a great idea!! Let's grab our dead animals and get an apartment together!" To which drunk roomie #2 says "Sure roomie, as long as you don't tell the story of Thanksgiving last year and the drunken misshap with the turkey. I really thought it was my girlfriend's sorority sister". They both laughed, belched the american anthem and the pact was made.

And now they live in my building.

Now let me tell you about "bigwood" as his license plate says. I don't actually know if he has a big wood but apparently he likes to think he does and besides, he probably makes that lady down at the DMV giggle every year when he renews his tags. BTW big wood is the guy who stores his motorcycle down next to my door. So last night Cass and I went to eat supper at Applebee's (which completely ROCKED MY SOCKS BTW) and I get home and I go to turn into MY parking space, the first one right next to my apartment. But was there a space to pull into??? No!! Bigwood took my parking space!! Now I've lived here almost 2 months and I've never not parked there. I thought it was just a known apartment complex thing that the funny ass girl in apartment 1 parks there. Apparently bigwood didn't get the memo. So I had to park a few spaces down and that just threw my whole feng shui off. Damn you big wood!!! And he's also on my wireless network too. Damn you network sucking, parking space stealing, motorcycle riding upstairs living neighbor boy!

Actually, I've talked to him and he's very nice.

The other day my mom came over and brought my lunch and wanted to see my hair and whatever. So she brought us Subway and we were sitting down to a nice little lunch of Subway and gossip. And for the first time in my 33 years, I heard my mother use the word "Ho" and not only that, she used it correctly in a sentence! If there is one think I wish to spare you all of, it's hearing your 57 year old mother use the word Ho. She proceeds to tell me there is a new young bartender (bartenderette?) up at "the club" (The Club = the VFW club they frequent and the facililty where my stepdad has for years slowly tortured his liver) and the club wives all hate her. Then that HO word came out a few times. I just laughed, mainly because it was a little startling my mother used that word. She's only a few years younger than I so I asked her what her name was, thinking I might know her. (Because you know, Joey knows a few Ho's in this town). Well her name is Edith!!!! That made me laugh even more. Were her parents smokin the lettuce and watching Archie Bunker reruns when they named her? Anyway......so I relayed this story to my sister when she came over last night and she started cracking up. Before we knew it, my sister had my mom on speaker phone and telling her that she met a really cool girl and invited her to her birthay party tonight (for which my mom will be in attendance for supper) and that her name was Edith. We all waited for her reaction, all the while laughing our asses off. My mom just laughed and said "ohhhhhhhhhhhh". I was crying I was laughing so hard. The kids were on the floor laughing. I'll bet that made my mom's whole night. Maybe she didn't get a kick out of it like we did, but it was funny as hell.

So Edith, whoever you are and whereever you are, my mom doesn't like you and thinks you're a ho. And that's strong. Because my mom never calls people that!

So my sister stopped by a bit ago and picked up Cass because she had to go to the mall to get her eyebrows waxed and hair done for her birthday party tonight and since Cass is addicted to going to the mall, she took her along. So basically it will be my sister in the salon doing her thing, and Cassidy making 13423522 trips to Claire's to look at all of the overpried plastic crap that teenage girls are so into these days. But it gives me some time alone, so I am going to start doing some laundry here in a bit and get this placed cleaned up.

So tomorrow or perhaps when I sober up enough to figure out how to upload pics from my digital camera, I will post all of the pics that I will take at the party tonight. But just be rest assured, it involves alcohol, a scavenger hunt, my sister and Jada. Well other people will be there too. But anything that involves liquor, my sister and Jada...watch out. It's going to be wild. So stay tuned for that.

I'm out, I've taken up enough of your damn time and it's beautiful outside today. Time to take this show on the road.

Peace!