I've been so blessed to be able to celebrate this holiday for the 10th time. I find it an honor to be a mother. Although 90% of the time it's a huge challenge, it is indeed worth it.

The other night night we ran to Walmart to get Cass a few things and I happened to walk by a little tiny baby outfit. I stopped and touched it. It brought back so many memories for me. Remembering when Cass was small enough to wear it. The smell of her head when she nuzzled into my shoulder, her soft hands wrapped around my neck when she gave me a hug, the sounds of her laughing and cooing as a baby.

I miss that feeling alot. Now she's this grown up kid, 10 years old but the body of a 13 year old and the mind sometimes of an 18 year old. Yet sometimes she still gives me a big hug and a kiss and says "I love you mommy". I love that!

Every once in a while I get a little blue about the fact that I'll probably never experience that again. I'll never hold a baby that is mine, feel their soft skin, smell them after a bath.

And most of the time I'm okay with that.

Sometimes I feel like if I mourn the fact that I may never have another one that takes away from enjoying the one that I do have. And when I look at it that way, I snap back into reality and realize I have the only child I need. I just have to know that I am truly blessed for what I have. Many many women in this world cannot have children, no matter how hard they try. And I am not one of those women. So yes dammit I am thankful.

And then I see things like this and I stuff away those feelings I get from time to time.

Back to work tomorrow onsite. I hope this is the last week. I really think it is. We get to wear T-shirts to work tomorrow. We're having a big groundbreaking ceremony for the new 42 million dollar addition. The governor is going to be there as well as one of our congressmen, former UN head football coach Tom Osborne. So that should be fun. I've decided I'm going to back to school at the perfect time. By the time I graduate and become an R.N. the addition will be built and everything set in place. A tower with 9 floors for patients. If you saw what it looks like now, that's a HUGE undertaking. I'm so excited. I'm not usually a looking ahead into the future kind of girl. I'm more of a "live in the moment" person. But I am looking into the future and thinking about how great this is going to be having a brand new facility, state of the art equipment and all of that.

I definitely did the right thing here.

Double my salary, here I come!

Goodnight to all of you. If you have children give them a hug and kiss before bed. If you do not, go give your mom a hug and a kiss for if not for her, you would not be here. If you can't do that, give any mother a hug and a kiss. Our job is extremely hard. But yet so rewarding.