She has no clue what's up with me either. She ordered a bunch of lab tests and we'll see how they turn out. Depending on how things go I may have to go back sometime next week 2 hours after a huge sugary meal and have some more blood drawn, just an extra step to see what's going on. She thinks all of my blood tests will be normal. Who knows. If she can't find anything that way then she'll set me up to see a nutritional nurse at the hospital to go over everything and see how I should be eating so I don't get like this 24/7. Ahhhhhh. It's just frustrating is all. Everyone tells me I'm normal but I'm not feeling normal at all.

It didn't help that my mom came over with some muffins (which were yummy BTW) that she made that were WW friendly and she started in on me. She hasn't done it for so many months, ever since Jax started in on her about how she has made me feel all of these years making comments and cracks about my weight and how much that hurt me. Ever since that day she's never said a thing which has been really nice. But now apparently since I'm going to WW with her she feels it's open season again. Oh well, a few month break was nice. I'm REALLY not in the mood today or any day to hear it from her, I'm really not. Lots of people don't see that part of me. Say what you will, be snide with me or make your little cracks, you don't think it affects me. Just because I don't come out and say anything or appear that it hurts me, it does. Those are the private moments when I sit and think about that stuff. Very few people in this world know what I struggle with daily and how things bother me. I've barely let anybody in. I've been hurt by so many words and thoughts and opinions in the last years that I don't let much out. If you don't give em anything to use against you then they won't! That's been my motto for a very long time. Of course I wish it was that easy but it's not. Because if you don't give em anything to use against you they'll make it up. So I'm fucked either way. Just pin it up Joey and move on.

Lots of thoughts and things swirling around in this head right now but I won't let is out. Why? See above.

Anyway I'm glad it's Friday! Hopefully tonight will be poker and other debauchery with Terri and her girls if they can make it. Then tomorrow its more studying and going to Haunted Hollow with Jada and my friend Karen. The two chickens are staying at home tomorrow while I go. My god it's not THAT scary! So what if I stand there in line ready to go in and wanna high tail it back to the bus?!?! So what if I scream at the top of my lungs and hang onto Jada white knuckling it in a death grip? I still go! ha ha ha It's a lot of fun, it really is. Last year as we were waiting for our whole group to file in Jada asked Beetlejuice out. We were last in line in our group and he was right behind us. He laughed and said he had to work pretty late that night. Only Jada. Asking out Beetlejuice or Dracula or any other character while they are doing a scary Halloween thing. But then again, have I ever told you the story of Jada hitting on a cop WHILE he was in the middle of pulling somebody else over? Yeah that's a doozy. Gotta love that Jada. Which I do. She always keeps me in stitches.

Okay, I've messed around enough here, my line count is really good this morning so I'd better keep it up. Hope to have more pictures taken and uploaded this weekend. Oh and I uploaded some of my pretty scenery photos to Walmart.com and I'm having them printed out. Isn't that fun? What a cheap way to decorate the place!

Enjoy my new video by Sarah McLachlan called "Fallen". It's an old song but one I love.

TGIF!!!!