When my mom couldn't help me off the couch because I was in too much pain, the ambulance was called. I think it took 3 or 4 guys but they did it. I mean I was dead ass weight. I couldn't help at all. After laying on a gurney for what seemed like HOURS (peak of flu season, they had even shut down the hospital to outside visitors unless they were wearing face masks) I was finally examined. I don't even really remember what happened in the ER, I was so out of it. But I do know I was being admitted and I had come to find out my worst nightmare. I had a perforated diverticulitis. In laymen's terms, my bowel had blown out. Oh great.

The next night (I think, I can't recall anymore) they moved me to a new room, forgetting to put my oxygen back on and they had me on a morphine pump. The doctor on call had upped my dose of morphine and I was using the pump myself. Not a good combination. All I know is I wake up with nurses SCREAMING at me and shaking me. I tried to listen to them but I kept falling asleep. I couldn't figure out why they were so mad at me. When I came to a bit later I had found out that a nurse had found me unresponsive in my room and went to ask another nurse if I had always looked that bad. Basically they OD'd me on morphine and had I not been found when I was, I would have died. It was a grave error by either the nurse or the physician who ordered the dosage change but I did come around. And let me tell you, my family was NOT happy.

From there I was pumped full of antibiotics for a week, they were hoping it would seal itself. It didn't and it was then decided I needed to have surgery to fix it, have a bunch of my bowel removed AND a temporary colostomy, or what I called "the shit bag". My abdomen was full of infection. Had they not have operated, I could have died from that. It was 3 strikes and I was out at that point. Mind you I hadn't EATEN anything for a week. I wasn't even allowed water. I begged for ice chips and got those. I had a 3 hour surgery with my family waiting on pins and needles in the waiting room. I came out of with tubes in every orifice, not to mention a colostomy. But at least I was alive.

I was in the hospital for another week. 5 days after the surgery I was finally producing gas in my tummy and bowels so the NG tube came out of my nose (that hurt like HELL) and I was allowed to eat. Food never tasted so good!!! A week after surgery I was finally released, December 20th. My release was delayed, due to the fact that I developed pneumonia and couldn't go home until that cleared up. That was hell, having breathing treatments every 4 hours around the clock. I hated the sight of the respiratory therapists but I knew they were doing their job.

So I go home and guess what? My fucking furnace was out! So on that day I had to call the heating/air conditioning guys where they came out and for a whopping $300 I had a part replaced and I finally had heat. And not working all this time, that $300 literally broke me. With the help of my mom who came in to check on me every day and Cassidy who was only 9 at the time, I survived. My wonderful daughter stepped up and made our meals and did what she could to help me out. I had to learn to empty and change a colostomy bag. I had to learn how to get myself showered (thanks to a shower chair) and I had to worry about how I was going to have Christmas presents for my daughter. My brother went and did that for me thank goodness. So I was off work for 6 more weeks, I was bummed during Christmas, got tired easily and to top it off, had a shit bag. I was not in a good place in my life. I became very depressed.

I eventually went back to work at the beginning of February 2004 and got into a normal routine of things. I was dealing with the colostomy very well, it became part of me and it was okay. My insurance paid for all of my supplies so thank goodness that wasn't a worry of mine.

In May of 2004 I went back in for surgery, having the colostomy taken down and reversed. Surgery went great and after another week in the hospital I was finally free. Jax came and stayed with me for like 6 weeks, she took care of me so well and did some things around the house to spruce it up a little bit. After another 7 weeks off work, I went back and lived happily ever after lol.

I lost so much weight, especially the first time. Not eating anything for 2 weeks will do that to ya. Damn I looked good but that was short lived lol.

Anyway, that's my story and I was just thinking about that tonight, it was 2 years ago today I went through all of that.

It was partly due to that experience that I wanted to become a nurse. I had such good nurses at the hospital and I wanted to be just like them. And that's why I made the decision to go back to school. I don't care what anybody says, its the nurses who do all the work and caring for the patient.

And I can't wait until that's me in the scrubs, instead of in the bed.

The End.