Class today was tough, I came to the realization that I have to study my ASS off (which will take light years believe me, to get rid of this big ass) to get a decent grade on my first test. I've barely done any reading, I haven't looked over the notes and I haven't even cracked the study guide. I'm a bad bad girl and I need to be punished. I think I just got so out of the study mode for that month or so that I'm really having a hard time getting back into it. It was easy starting out because I was so innocent and wide-eyed and excited. Now I realize all of the work that I'll need to put into it and it scares me a little. Especially when I heard how much harder this class was. It's okay though, I'm sure it's temporary. By the end of this weekend I plan on having some solid studying in and throughout the week.

Tonight we dropped off the kid at Fazoli's because her basketball team was meeting there for a dinner and then they were doing bowling. Cass got in the car after practice and told me about it. Then she said she wasn't going because she was "with her dad". And I thought what the hell does THAT matter? Then she cried a bit because she really wanted to go and she didn't think she could. So I solved that little problem and called up her dad and told him about it. He seemed a bit put out that she assumed he wouldn't let her go, which she does ALL THE TIME. I lectured her and told her she can at least tell her dad about these activities and give him the opportunity to take her. After he said that was fine and that he'd pick her up from bowling, the truth came out. She feels guilty for doing things when it's his "scheduled time". I told her she has to get over that. Well, her dad has been in California for a week and she has hardly spent any time with him in the last few weeks and even skipped some of the visitation time when he was out of state. So she felt guilty about not spending time with him. Well I think that's bullshit. She is getting older and will have activities and friends she wants to spend time with and she should not give that up because she's afraid of what her dad might think. He understands fully that will be the case and I'm sure is going to be willing to deal with it. She needs to stop taking on guilt and thinking she knows what other people are feeling when she doesn't. She needs to be an 11 year old for Pete's sake. And as much as I hate to say it because I hate this man with every fiber of my being, she doesn't give her father enough credit about things like that. She makes him out to be such a villain to me. I think that is what kids do. They say things about the other parent to try to win the praise of the parent they are with. She feels like if she makes her dad sound bad, that will make me happy. That is so far from the truth. Her dad is a good dad to her. He's paid his child support on time for almost 10 years. He's taken here when he was supposed to and sometimes when he's not supposed to. He's helped me out of some real binds in the past. Yes he hates me and he is a giant asshole in my humble opinion, but he's a good dad to her. He wants to see her do well and be successful in this life. He isn't out to not let her have a life or have friends or force her to do things she doesn't want to do. She's such a drama queen. I don't know WHERE she gets that.....*LOL*

And the decision has pretty much been made that I am going to get a new car very soon. I've been sorta throwing the idea around for quie some time. The reason I haven't for so many years is I am scared. After I paid that car off I was home free. No car payment. And because of that it's held me back from getting something nicer. I don't have to go into any great length about how much of a piece of shit my car is. If you read this diary even occasionally I make no secret about it. I want better for myself now. I deserve something nicer. I mean my car is 11 years old. It's time to upgrade and get a car that was actually built in his millenium don't you think? I have a price range I want to stay in. And with the NICE tax refund I'm getting this year I think I'll be able to swing taxes and insurance. So wish me luck, I hope I find something good and affordable.

Speaking of Uncle Sam, I saw my accountant today. Biggest tax refund I've ever gotten before. How? I have no idea how. He just plugs in the numbers and gives me the low down, I smile and I swagger on out of there.

I have a good chunk of it earmarked for a nice vacation. Cass and I are going to go do something extremely fun this summer. I have already asked for a whole week off. I'm in the process of planning the trip but I'm not going to announce the destination until I have more in place and I'm sure I get the time off and such. But trust me, it's REAL good. And I'm super excited about it.

The other part of the money I'll pay off some bills, I want a new digital camera with zoom on it and a few more features (Cass is excited to inherit mine) and then get some new clothes and some stuff for Cass and maybe just splurge a bit on a few things. The rest will be for any car expenses I may need it for, help with a downpayment or insurance or what have you. Still kicking around the idea of getting the windshield on the pinto replaced as I think that will add to the trade-in value. Anyway, lots of things to think about.

Tonight the Jax and I went to Balz and had a really great supper and then we were off to the $1.50 theater and we saw "Just Friends". I didn't think I'd like it to be honest, thought it would be one of those cheesy movies that looks funny on the trailer but in reality, isn't funny at all. But we both liked it and laughed a lot.

And that completes my day. It's been a doozy huh? And now it's well after 11 and I'm just about ready for bed.

Tomorrow I sleep in. NOBODY bug me before 10:00 AM. For real yo.