See I was getting a little bad with the potty mouth and then the kid was thinking it was okay to repeat those words too and then eventually she had just had enough and told me to knock it off. So I decided to be accountable for my mouth. Thus the cuss cup came into existance. This could get scary. By the time she graduates from high school she could have enough to pay for her own college tuition. So the score is:

Mommy - 3
Cass - 0
Jax - 0 (which shocks even her)

I found a new incentive to get my fat ass to moving around a bit and take off some of this blubber. It's called a wedding. One that I will be a part of in approximately 10 months. My friend Paige is getting married. I'm so damn happy for her. I've known for quite some time that this guy was different and I wasn't a bit surprised when I heard they got engaged over Christmas. I've seen the ring and it's beautiful. Not my style at all but it fits her perfectly. Anyway, we ran into Paige and Allen the other night at Walmart and she asked me to sing at her wedding. That scared the beejesus out of me. You see, I'm not as good as I used to be. I know it. Everybody else knows it. Well, apparently Paige doesn't. But anyway I told her yes, just as long as I have PLENTY of time to learn the music and become comfortable with it.

So thusly that is my incentive to get my fat ass into shape. I am going to purchase a family memebership to the YMCA this week and go that route. Here's the thing, I wouldn't even have to stick to some extremely strict eating regimen to lose a ton of weight. I'd just have to watch my portions, quit diet coke all together *shivers* and exercise and I'd lose weight. But tons of people are going to be there. People I haven't seen in years. My ex-best friend will be a bridesmaid and I was SHOCKED to find out she was the one who recommended me to sing. Apparently she's "buried the hatchet" according to Jada but you could have fooled me because every time she sees me with Jada and stops to talk to Jada she doesn't even look at me or acknowledge my existence even though I am standing less than 5 feet from her. But whatever. I honestly didn't think I'd even be invited because of the ex-best friend. But apparently she's grown up. Jada is doing the guestbook (does anybody else have Miranda from SATC flashbacks about her guestbook gig at her interior designer's wedding??). Plus another mutual friend will be there (who I expect also will have some type of role) who I used to work with at the doctor's office and she still works there and she loves to gossip and I don't need her going back to the office the next Monday telling all of those stuck up, uppity, high crotch bitches how fat I've become.

This may all sound incredibly stupid and superficial and ridiculous to anybody else but it's not to me.

So therefore I will start working out. Even if I could take off like 50 pounds by then I'd be happy. Anything to get me feeling better about myself. Because let's face it. I am uncomfortable with how I look. I hate it. I hate pictures taken of me. I hate going in front of a lot of people. I hate it hate it hate it!!! But nobody is gonna do anything about it but me. So god dammit Joey just do it!!!! *growls*

So I'll be singing in this big wedding where I know a bunch of people in front of my ex-best friend whom I haven't spoken a word to in almost 6 years, her sister who I ended up sleeping with her and her new husband on their honeymoon (really, don't ask) and Paige's brother who I fucked once. And these 3 are standing up with her. Imagine all the weird connections I have with people sitting in the congregation. I won't explain any of those previous statements but just know either way it's going to be god damned ackward so why give them more to laugh about? I mean my voice alone may just do the trick.

Anyway, I'm obsessing over way too much and I have 10 months to get myself all anxious and stressed out about it. Won't that be fun? Can I get a "hell yeah?"

You know, I sit here and think if I could just lose like 800 pounds my world would be perfect. But I do know in reality that wouldn't solve a damn thing. I'd just be a skinny bitch and not a fat bitch.

But just let me hallucinate for another few months okay?